There are leaders and wanna-be leaders

We often hear comments like 'he/she is a born leader'. Is one really already born with leadership skills? It appears to be, since what we often see is that there are leaders and wanna-be leaders. Let me elaborate on this point.

Leaders are persons in life, who have people who support him/her and take orders from him/her without any objection. They believe the things the leader says and doesn't raise any question whenever something's said.

The wanna-be leaders or sometimes also called boss are put on a certain position to give you orders and who believe that whatever they say needs to be obeyed. The more they try to force their authority, the more he/she receives unhappy subordinates who questions the orders.

So...thus the question: "Are some people born with leadership skills?" I believe they do, but who ever doesn't get that at birth, can always choose to train/educate themselves to become one. The difference is, the born leader doesn't need to give much effort to get support and they don't even need to be in a certain high position. It could be someone on the lower level of the company and still....if you observe right, you can see that one person, who everyone is willing to listen to.

According to Forbes, these are the top 10 qualities of a leader:

- honesty
- ability to delegate
- communication
- sense of humor
- confidence
- commitment
- positive attitude
- creativity
- intuition
- ability to inspire

Not all leaders have all the above mentioned qualities, but one quality they have for sure: confidence. Whenever people need to work in groups, you see certain people really pop up, who the other members will look up to. And it could that it's the first time they see each other, so how come all the members are willing to get orders from that certain person? I believe it's the confidence this person radiate.

And just a note, not all leaders use their abilities for the greater good or a positive goal. However through history lessons, I dislike Hitler, but according to what's in the textbooks he was certainly a leader. He got the whole country to listen to his orders and beliefs and really lived up to his commands, even if some were doing it out of fear.

Not everyone is leader material, but that's ok. If we all were leaders, then we would all be discussing all the time and no work will be done since everyone will have their own point of view.
But if you might want to step up and equip yourself with leadership skills, it certainly is something that will assist in your future career.

And for the wanna-be leaders, a note of advice: If you are aware that you are not getting people to support you, work on your leadership skills. It's not a sin nor a shame to admit. Believe me, your subordinates will only applaud your honesty to admit and do something about it, then the stupid denial you are holding on to.

Snik, snik, Sick

I don't think anybody can say that they've never got ill. Some people just get it more often than others. I remember as a child, that I just knew when I was gonna get sick. Twice annually was a certain thing, mostly fever or flu. Back then, I knew why that was. Like I said it so many times in The Taster's blog, I'm a meatatarian, so if it was not necessary I'd not eat any veggies. My parents always complained to the other parents (why do parents love to do that?) how the new generation doesn't like veggies and that they only eat meat and junk.



However I was never fond of getting ill, I know some of my friends, who'd love to get sick. They tell me about the extra attention and the extra care from their parents, which I can't say that I did recall. There was one time that I got what's called parotitis, an inflammation of one or both parotid glands. In simple English: One or both of your cheeks will swell up if you have it. I still remember everyone in the family made fun of it and even draw tiger on my cheek with the medicine. I thought it was pretty funny too. Since the Hakka people call it 'zhu tew pi', which literally means pig's skin. The facial around the cheeks will be so swollen that the skin feels so tight and hardy, but very sensitive and painful. So they believed...by drawing a tiger on my cheek, it'd eat the pigskin and I'd be fine after that. Now I look back, it was quite funny, but I'd never want to experience that again.

Now a tad older and wise enough to know that a human body need certain vitamins and minerals to prevent one from getting sick, I'm trying to incorporate veggies whenever possible. And even now, I'm getting sick from time to time. Not that often anymore, but every time it seems like I've outgrown it and I wonder if it was so tough the last time. I'm aware of the viruses getting stronger and new variations are appearing every year, but somehow I'd never really focus on it as long as I don't get sick. And me-getting-sick has a certain procedure. Yeah, I thought it was only me who liked procedure, I was not even aware that my body also liked procedures. It starts with a squeaky throat, then my body temperature starts to rise. After a whole day of rest, the fever seems to nearly go away and the nose starts leaking and the eyes start watering. That's the start of the flu, after which I'll stay with a persistent cough for weeks or even months. Yeah... and that's why every time I wonder if it was so tough the last time, because every time seems so severe and I'll be knocked out for several days.

Now I'm at the stage where my flu is starting to go away, so hopefully my body will skip the cough and just leave me at peace.

When to let go

Life is full of ups and downs. We make friends, get into relationships and make choices based on our mindset at that moment. As I said in my earlier post, at that moment it was the best choice, but what if it does not work for you anymore? When do you know how to let go?

Relationships are complicated things. You might not be sure when it started, but you definitely know when it is the end. And there are different reasons for ending it. If you're lucky, you both feel it is time to put an end to it and take the proper measures: from taking each other's stuff at each other's place to divorce. But what if one does not agree or did something regretful to get this outcome? The pain and suffering caused to the 'victim' in this whole situation seems unbearable. How do you deal with something, you partly felt it coming but still came to you as a shock? Then again, there are also couples, who will still stay together for whatever reason they might have, but that's stuff for a different blog.

Before anyone is gonna ask me a whole bunch of questions, NO, nothing is going wrong in my relationship. It just so happen that I see some of my immediate friends dealing with these situations and it really makes me wonder " when should you let go?". And I hope they're not angry that I mention that it's someone I know, since that is really not my intention. Every day someone's heart is getting broken somewhere in the world. Maybe even your neighbor next door. Some think they get over it in a month by partying every day, some get over it in several months and some still cries themselves to sleep every day even though it's already over for several months. Everybody deals with it differently.

Everybody might tell you that it's not worth to grieve over it, but nobody will know the pain you're feeling. But I have to say this:" give yourself a deadline for grieving".  However it's not like someone died, but the relationship died and I believe the same 5 stages are applicable:

1. denial and isolation
    the first stage is where you deny that it did happen and you will want to sleep and keep yourself in your
    room thinking about all those good times you guys had together.
2. anger
    in this stage, you get angry with that person like why did you do that or it's all your fault that it's now over.
    And because you know it's not rational to say it's only that person's fault, you feel angrier with yourself.
3. bargaining
    Here we come up with what if's.
    *If I did not go out with my girlfriends, we might not have that fight and we might still be together.*
    *If I just notice those hints earlier, we might not end up like this.*
    There are even people, who would give their soul to the devil to turn back the hands of time.
    For this I have to say, if it's yours it's yours. I'm not saying don't fight for it, but if one of the two already
    gave up, it's no use trying to glue the pieces.
4. depression
    This is the stage where you feel powerless, hopeless and the feeling that you just want to close the door
     to everyone and just have a wintersleep and hoping that at the end of it, you will be wide awake and
     everything's over. But everyday you wake up, you realize nothing changed until the next stage.
5. acceptance
    The final stage is where you'll accept that it's really over. There's no lying about it. You two are not
     together anymore and if you're unlucky, the other one might already have somebody else and seemed to
     have forgotten about you. Unfortunately, not everybody reaches this stage. If you do, congratulations!!
     You made it! You've reached the light at the end of the tunnel. If you don't, just give it more time and ask
     yourself 'Why can't I accept that fact?' 'What needs to happen before I will accept this fact?'

For more about the 5 stages of mourning, please read it here.
I don't have any advise or suggestions about this topic, since I don't have that much experience with it. But from what I have, I can say this: " you'll never know if you've really let go until you see that person in the eye and it hurts no more."