When to let go

Life is full of ups and downs. We make friends, get into relationships and make choices based on our mindset at that moment. As I said in my earlier post, at that moment it was the best choice, but what if it does not work for you anymore? When do you know how to let go?

Relationships are complicated things. You might not be sure when it started, but you definitely know when it is the end. And there are different reasons for ending it. If you're lucky, you both feel it is time to put an end to it and take the proper measures: from taking each other's stuff at each other's place to divorce. But what if one does not agree or did something regretful to get this outcome? The pain and suffering caused to the 'victim' in this whole situation seems unbearable. How do you deal with something, you partly felt it coming but still came to you as a shock? Then again, there are also couples, who will still stay together for whatever reason they might have, but that's stuff for a different blog.

Before anyone is gonna ask me a whole bunch of questions, NO, nothing is going wrong in my relationship. It just so happen that I see some of my immediate friends dealing with these situations and it really makes me wonder " when should you let go?". And I hope they're not angry that I mention that it's someone I know, since that is really not my intention. Every day someone's heart is getting broken somewhere in the world. Maybe even your neighbor next door. Some think they get over it in a month by partying every day, some get over it in several months and some still cries themselves to sleep every day even though it's already over for several months. Everybody deals with it differently.

Everybody might tell you that it's not worth to grieve over it, but nobody will know the pain you're feeling. But I have to say this:" give yourself a deadline for grieving".  However it's not like someone died, but the relationship died and I believe the same 5 stages are applicable:

1. denial and isolation
    the first stage is where you deny that it did happen and you will want to sleep and keep yourself in your
    room thinking about all those good times you guys had together.
2. anger
    in this stage, you get angry with that person like why did you do that or it's all your fault that it's now over.
    And because you know it's not rational to say it's only that person's fault, you feel angrier with yourself.
3. bargaining
    Here we come up with what if's.
    *If I did not go out with my girlfriends, we might not have that fight and we might still be together.*
    *If I just notice those hints earlier, we might not end up like this.*
    There are even people, who would give their soul to the devil to turn back the hands of time.
    For this I have to say, if it's yours it's yours. I'm not saying don't fight for it, but if one of the two already
    gave up, it's no use trying to glue the pieces.
4. depression
    This is the stage where you feel powerless, hopeless and the feeling that you just want to close the door
     to everyone and just have a wintersleep and hoping that at the end of it, you will be wide awake and
     everything's over. But everyday you wake up, you realize nothing changed until the next stage.
5. acceptance
    The final stage is where you'll accept that it's really over. There's no lying about it. You two are not
     together anymore and if you're unlucky, the other one might already have somebody else and seemed to
     have forgotten about you. Unfortunately, not everybody reaches this stage. If you do, congratulations!!
     You made it! You've reached the light at the end of the tunnel. If you don't, just give it more time and ask
     yourself 'Why can't I accept that fact?' 'What needs to happen before I will accept this fact?'

For more about the 5 stages of mourning, please read it here.
I don't have any advise or suggestions about this topic, since I don't have that much experience with it. But from what I have, I can say this: " you'll never know if you've really let go until you see that person in the eye and it hurts no more."